Halloween Sucks

They're adorable when they're young.
Females everywhere ogle them with aww's and coos of affection.
Candy-coated saturations and squealing
"They're so cute! Look at their little costumes!"
And the vinyl pumpkins crack giddy grins.
They sustain on such love and praise.
They're royalty in the eyes of emotional individuals.

But they grow up.
The sweet petite princess is now
Pissing on the pavement.
In my driveway, a box social takes place
With the flaps wide open.
And her jester eagerly shatters my glass
So she would crack a smile.

She's royalty in the eyes of inebriated individuals.
I'm cleaning up her royal mess.
It would be my born duty,
'Cause I lack the grace and beauty
In applying a condom like she does.
Unable to lick my wounds among all else,
I pick the shards by the fistful.

I'm a peasant in the eyes of equitable individuals.
My spirit is ignited, not by ethanol
But by the unshed tears
That bitterly ferments within
For I can't afford the former.
I gingerly brush away the crystals
And wallow in the sting of its scratches.

I'll be cold tonight,
And awaiting the culprit to lay with her.
And he would have deserved it.
For the hole he left between my eyes and soul
Are as big and as dark
As her gaping vagina.

A love letter from a desperate girl

Je t’ai vu au ciné aujourd’hui.

Je travaillais mais je puvais aperçevoir ta figure et ton corps.

J’étais mal polie de voir pour longtemps, et je savais que tu m’as aperçu aussi. Je pensais que tu avais l’air très joli.

J’ésperais que tu as acheté du café ou quelque chose. Nous nous serions parlés et je te souviendrais comme je déjà oublie ce que tu as l’air.

Viens-y-toi la semaine prochaine. Je n’ai te ferai pas payer. Tu peux me payer avec ton numéro, ou seulement ton nom.

Tu es juste trop s e x y. Et je deviens folle. Je suis en retard. xD


(Btw don't use fucking Babelfish on this because it'll sound even more retarded. D:)

Saw VI

I went to the theatres last afternoon
Ate some ice cream with a plastic spoon
Took his hand, and skipped the talk
It was half past four on the cellular clock
We ascend the quiet stairs
Jumped into those broken chairs
The lights grew dim but the screen ignites
And cries and shouts of the Scream Queen bites
Look to my left; he's sitting still
Ask in wonderment of the temple drill
"Are you sure you can handle the gore?
This type of movie you'd sure abhor."
He shrugs and laughs "I will be fine.
I've seen and lived through ones of this kind."
The drills, they wake; the couple bleeds
Their game begins for survival heeds
The greater pound of flesh can save
His or her chance from the grave
He slices stomach into a cleft
And retching breaks out from my left (Hah stupid Nathan :p)
She cuts her forearm but she cries
When the will to do so, life denies
Their affliction gains when the timer clicks
And deeper penetrate the metal sticks

He was three fat slices in

Against her none, an easy win

Her forfeit rivaled one more try
Took the butcher knife's rely
Though he was fatter than a whale
She shoved her whole arm on the fucking scale!

AND I

JIZZED

IN

MY PANTS.


It was a pretty sick movie. :D

Stop sending my naughty pics to my dad

Goddammit k.cober@hotmail.com, I can't believe it's because of you that my mom was so close to having the talk with me tonight.

It's sad because my parents really don't even care. My dad took one look at the pictures before he deleted the email entirely. They're hardly even sure if one of the photos was of me at all.

And it's a cheap shot that the other picture would come from Winter Ball.

Stephanie took the photos for us to enjoy the night where we had fun with the bandies, and the bandies knew that Alvin was the nicest Mormon kid ever; it's unfair (mostly to Alvin) to send a picture of the two of us for my parents to think we were sluts.

Overall, your pictures did little to no harm, but the notion didn't come without such annoyance that my mother felt the obligation to tell me about it anyway. I had no idea before that you were sending emails to my daddy still, nonetheless regularly, and I suppose this was the event to lead to my awareness of such. I'm really tired, k.cober@hotmail.com, both physically and of your childishly melodramatic behaviour. My parents have too much trust in me to believe any of your superficial lies, and whatever half-assed truths you might think are contained in photographs. They know I'm a good kid, that I don't party, do drugs, drink, or do promiscuous things with boys. It's just too difficult to bend such an inflexible truth, even more so to prove it wrong.

I know you won't stop, but I'm asking you to. It'd benefit us both if you found an easier target, like someone who wears foundation (coughtammy). =]

New hair

Jamie has brown hair now.

No more blonde jokes.

Updates updates

A couple of updates on my LIIIFEEEE. >_>"
Readers, get away from this post nao unless you're a major stalker because I don't intend on making this entry terribly funny. And why would you read it if it wasn't funny and you weren't a stalker? Somebody must be lying to himself one way or another. =]

I already miss making exciting posts but I just can't seem to squeeze any out of myself recently. Yeah, amusing things do happen at school every once in a while, but it's never often or groundbreaking enough for me to remember documenting it. While these moments provide a cheap, expected thrill, they're always ultimately tossed out like so many wads of Kleenex and premature ejaculate. When we hit a dry spell of these little pick-me-ups, we just end up trying to induce them with heavier doses of slippery humour, which ends up over-stimulating our senses for wit and disables us from ever finding a real girlfriend. =_=

It's made me lose a lot of my previous interest in socializing. I still get the yearning every once in a while to make a new friend and explore personalities, but it all seems more superficial to me now. Half the time I could easily tell I'm only doing it to prove to myself that the person I'm taking to wants to date me; half of those times I know I'm only grossly flattering myself. Did I really go blonde just so people would notice me more? This introspection only leads to deeper, uglier ones, and I'll leave it at the fact that my hair is completely fried to a crisp as my sake of dyeing it. I haven't done it yet, probably sometime this or next week. It's gonna go brunette, but I'm not exactly sure about the shade it will turn out to be. As much as I'll miss being a shiny blonde Asian bitch, I'm excited for the change.

My work life has already changed quite a bit since school started. I've reduced my number of shifts to about one a week. I'm usually scheduled for two, but then I just call in sick all the time. =_= I wonder how long I'll be able to get away with it? This new Asian manager guy at my work is on to me, I think. He's always asking me questions about like, idk stuff. =/ Haha but all my work friends say he's just trying to hit on me?! Awkward... Anyhoo, I've applied at Sears last weekend (along with everyone else), and Kumon last week. I don't expect to get hired at Sears but I have high hopes of working at Kumon since Tammy works theree and it'll be pretty sweet to be working there with another Asian nerdzo who can tell kids to shut up with me, erm I mean help them. >D I was sooo very disappointed this afternoon when Tammy breathlessly told me on the phone that the HR lady wanted me for an interview tonight before she leaves for a week, but I had to go take that Chem quiz and couldn't make it. Dx I hope she'll still remember me next week when she comes back. -cross fingers-

My parents have been treating me like shit lately. At first I was completely flabbergasted at their indifference towards me, and then I was simply hit with a brick in the face when I found out that it was because I didn't choose to become an engineer or a doctor when I grew up. They sounded so sure of themselves when they told me straight up that I will never get a good job studying English or any artsy-fartsy media whatever (lol they don't even try to understand what I'm interested in). They found out that I'm planning on studying English and Journalism next year and since then they've gone apeshit. Not like Kanye West apeshit, but like passive-agressive mother-in-law apeshit. Like, they won't smile at me anymore. It obviously wouldn't have changed my mind on the course of my life, but it's definitely put a weight on my light-heartedness towards it. Now I'm not really interested in anything anymore. Not in science because I don't kiss ass, but not in anything else because I don't like defying ass either. D':

I'm still finding little enjoyments along the way, but life seems pretty hard lately.

Below Freezing pt. II

The war between the lesbo-mosquitoes and I weren't over by my last entry. I was still being hassled with the chore of going on a rampaging massacre every night to kill the little vampire beasts. They seemed to get stronger and louder every night with the consumption of my blood, and I realized I had to get rid of them as soon as I could before they became utterly indestructable. O_O I still got squeamish and shaky after killing them, so don't expect me to exterminate for you, but I got pretty good at finding them after a while. I could easily spot where they were hiding and hear where they were going. I started making my mom and dad kill them for me, and to my surprise, they enthusiastically obliged, proving once again that being a whiny little bitch can make your problems go away. My dad had this brilliant idea of getting all the ones up on the ceiling with the Swiffer broom. He ended up squishing all of them into the ceiling, and then there were a bunch of little brown pancakes with legs on my ceiling before I could convince my mother to wipe them off for me. =/ As I had oh-so-ingeniously predicted, they stopped returning after a while. Even the lesbo-boss-mosquito (that was in my room for like five days and wouldn't leave) was gone, and now I'm back to resting in sanity. Huzzah! =DD


I was also gonna rant about some stress and pms-whatnots but somehow Blogger deleted everything after this paragraph because it doesn't know how to close a fucking tag using HTML. This part is better anyway. Someone should do something funny at school or other. I'm running out of material for funny posts. :(