Bad Timing

I never thought I'd feel like this for you.

Through all the harassment, all the name-calling, manipulation and overall distain towards you, I sympathize now as if I had more respect for you than I could ever have.

Because I'm very, terribly sorry.

First of all, let me apologize for bringing up the subject. I had no idea that you had your arm around him because you were trying to comfort him on his recent "break-up". I thought you guys were just gay with each other. Although the former could very naturally lead to the latter, and may already have, it was wrong of me to assume such a position when you merely looked the part.

Secondly, I regret leading you on to further explain the situation you've unwillingly falsified to stop be from staring at you like a child stares at mating baboons. I could have controlled my facial muscles to express a more subtle tone of absolute fucking horror as you graphically illustrated the predicament at hand, even when you kept going deeper into speculation, my face just stretched to a further degree of distress. I also partly blame Darrell for this, because he seemed pretty choked as well and I couldn't help but mirror his expression. You know how that goes.

Thirdly, I beseech your forgiveness for taking the term "fuck buddy" too literally. I thought it meant something like
n. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with who is not your S.O. - Urban Dictionary
I had no idea you meant the term as in um, absolutely nothing. I should have known and I was a fool for believing that you were credible in using such a term.

Lastly, and most importantly, I DEEPLY RESENT TIMMY'S PRESENCE. If he hadn't been there, and if Brandon Wong hadn't passed by in the exact moment, none of this mess would have caught wind and blew down the hallway where the windmill of madness stood forth. If your group of friends didn't happen to walk by the very moment Timmy brought Brandon Wong into a questioning fit, the truth wouldn't have been nudged awake and you wouldn't have blushed so hard when we all found out how untrue/partly-true/very true it was.

It was probably just a fluke. Bad timing had screwed us all. But as I saw your heart break I realized how much I actually cared that it did, and I just wrote this post to document my confusion because it is fucking up my sense of practicality worse than rumours did yours. The worst thing is that though it may appear otherwise, I hardly feel a note of sarcasm as I pour out my apologies to you. I thank the heavens everyday that I am much too apathetic for this to remain anything but temporary.

And if my guesstimation is correct, I apologize in advance for not making good on those DQ Blizzards I promised you. xD

(Remind me just in case?)